A new report urges parents and children’s doctors to change their thinking about homesickness among children, to see it as a nearly universal, but highly preventable and treatable phenomenon — rather than an unavoidable part of childhood.
The report, published in the journal Pediatrics, gives parents and physicians specific guidance to help anticipate and lessen the distress that homesickness can cause among kids and teens at summer camps, hospitals, boarding schools and colleges.
The paper’s authors are a clinical psychologist at one of the nation’s leading boarding schools, Phillips Exeter Academy in New Hampshire, and a University of Michigan physician who specializes in camp health issues. They’re also old friends who first met at summer camp more than 25 years ago.
It’s the first time that the evidence about homesickness prevention and treatment, which has been gathered through years of psychological studies, has been presented for pediatricians and family doctors to use.
Some of the tips for parents and children’s doctors:
Involve children in the decision to spend time away from home, so that children have a sense of control.
Tell children that homesickness is normal, but that they can use strategies like writing letters home, sharing their feelings with other people, and thinking about all the good things that camp or school is giving them, to help ease their worry.
Arrange for a practice time away from home, such as a two- or three-day stay with relatives. If a child has reached high school without having gone to summer camp or more than a night away from home, this is especially important to prepare them for college or independent life.
Practice writing letters, and supply pre-stamped, pre-addressed envelopes and paper before the child leaves home.
Work with the child to learn about the camp, school, or hospital ahead of time, so they know what to anticipate.
If possible, try to introduce them to other campers, counselors, or teachers ahead of time. A familiar face can make all the difference in the adjustment to a new environment.
Encourage kids, even older teens heading off to college, to make friends with others and seek out trusted adults to connect to.
Before the separation, don’t make comments that express anxiety or ambivalence about the child going away. Even “I hope you’ll be okay” or “what will I do without you” can leave a child worried that something bad might happen to them or their parents, and make them preoccupied with thoughts of home.
Use a calendar to show exactly the amount of time a child will be away, if that’s known. Predictability and perspective on the length of separation is important whenever possible.
Don’t make a “pick up plan” or a deal with children to bring them home if they don’t like the experience of being away. This undermines the child’s sense that their parents have confidence in their ability to be on their own, and set an expectation that they won’t like the new experience.
Warn children against keeping feelings of homesickness to themselves, doing something “bad” in order to get sent home, or trying to escape.
If your child takes medicine for attention, behavior or psychological conditions, don’t use camp as an excuse to take a “drug holiday.” Make sure that they, and the camp’s nurse or counselors, know their medication schedule and the importance of sticking to it.
If your child has special medical needs, such as diabetes or asthma, make sure that the camp or school they’ll be going to has staff who know how to handle day-to-day care and emergencies. Parents who have managed their child’s care intensely can have an extra hard time giving up that control, and children can sense that anxiety.
Above all, know whether your child is really ready for a separation. If you’re not sure, ask their doctor ? but not while the child can hear the conversation.
All in all, summer camp and other separations from home can be great “life training” experiences for children, building their independence and teaching self-reliance and social skills that they’ll use throughout life, say Walton and Thurber, who met when they were boys at the YMCA’s Camp Belknap on Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire, and worked there together this past summer.